9 Chivalrous Habits Of A True Gentleman That Make Women Melt

In a world filled with late-night booty calls, infidelity and a general “hit it and split it” mentality, it’s easy to become jaded by today’s dating scene.

As women, we brace ourselves for the worst, proceeding with extreme caution during the first few months, for fear of falling victim to the aforementioned debauchery in which so many men partake.

It’s a welcome relief, then, when we stumble upon those few true gentlemen. They exude chivalry with even their smallest actions, and remind us that there are still good ones out there.

It doesn’t take a grand gesture or costly display of affection to win a girl over. Often, it just takes a little sincerity and display of genuine romantic interest.

Despite popular opinion, chivalry is not dead — here are 10 everyday gestures of men that prove it:

1. Opening doors

A guy who takes the time to come around and open the car door for you is a keeper, not to mention a commodity this winter.

With certain states getting up to five inches of snow an hour, do you want to be left standing outside in a blizzard while your date gets nice and toasty in the driver’s seat?

Recognize and appreciate a guy who puts your comfort and well-being first, even if it’s just for a few extra seconds.

---

2. Saving the last bite of food

They say the way to a man’s heart is through his stomach. So, when he saves the last bite for you, it’s basically him saying he likes you more than whatever meal is in front of him. Which, for the record, is a lot.

---

3. Spending time with your family

A guy who shows an interest in your baby photos, coaches your little brother on how to throw a football and compliments your mother’s cooking is a guy who’s in it for the long haul. These are small gestures, but they speak volumes about his intentions.

---

4. Suffering through a girly movie

When a man volunteers to endure a girly show or movie because he knows you’ll enjoy it, he earns major bonus points. (Even more if he does so without complaining or expecting something in return.)

---

5. Sending flowers

I’m not talking about the $100 bouquet you get on Valentine’s Day. I’m talking about the grocery store assortment he picked up on a random Tuesday while thinking of you. There’s just something about unexpected flowers that makes a girl smile.

---

6. Walking on the outside of the sidewalk

The first time someone does this, you will probably be confused. But then you’ll start to question how come other men in your life have never been concerned about positioning themselves in such a way that you’d be protected should curbside tragedy strike.

It’s not a must, but it’s certainly nice to have.

---

7. Kissing your forehead

Sure, if you’re hoping to date someone and he does this, it can be a dreaded sign of sibling-like affection.

But, if you’re in a long-term relationship and your guy does this, it’s a small gesture that can make you feel adored.

---

8. Filling up your gas tank

Much like walking on the outside of a sidewalk, this gesture will probably surprise you the first time it’s performed.

It’s indicative of a man who was raised right and is generally courteous, which is always a welcome surprise.

---

9. Putting your jacket on

Women are fully capable of putting their own jackets on, but it’s not a question of ability. It’s gentlemanly and kind for someone to hold out your jacket for you or offer you theirs when it’s cold.

These are little ways men show they care, the same way women have instincts to nurture and protect loved ones.

Chivalry is not dead; men can be everyday knights in shining armor. You just have to learn to spot the subtle, more meaningful gestures

21 Lost Gentleman Traditions That Still Apply Today

Chivalry IS, in fact, dead when the gentleman no longer understands the meaning behind his chivalrous acts. When actions no longer come from within, but are forced and religious, the inner gentleman dies and so does chivalry. As we discussed in the last article, The Gentleman Still Exists, there is history behind gentleman etiquette.

21 Lost Gentleman Traditions That Still Apply Today

1. He stands when she walks in the room
In the old days, men stood out of respect when a lady, dignitary, or elderly person walked in the room. It was a sign of respect and humbleness. Today, men stand out of courtesy when a guest visits a meeting. A gentleman will stand from his table when he’s introduced to a guest. Standing for her shows you are attentive and you care.

2. He walks by her on the outside, closest to the street
Why is the pea coat symbolic of the gentleman? Before our drainage systems, a man stood on the outside of the sidewalk in a long coat to protect her from the dust and sewage that could splash up as horse carriages passed by. Sewage was common in the streets. The picture of the man laying his coat over a puddle for her to walk over meant he was protecting her feet from fecal material more than rain water.

Today, a gentleman might stand in the way of puddles splashing up from buses, or in the event a car veers onto the sidewalk. Symbolically it might mean he’ll always be by her side, through thick and thin, and will protect her from anything.

3. He opens the door for her
A gentleman would help her up into the carriage as a sign of his protection and strength. Women would hold their dresses up as they were often long and heavy. The gentleman opened the door for her so she wouldn’t have to drop her dress in the dirt.

The modern gentleman helps her in and out of the car to stand in the way of creepy gawkers.Opening a door for her is not a sign she is weak, but a gesture of affection.

4. He never criticizes a home-made meal
An out-loud criticism of a meal as a guest was considered disrespectful to the host. If anyone takes the time and effort to make a dinner, they are your host. Honor them. Smile and chew.

5. He doesn’t LOL
“Frequent and loud laughter is the characteristic of folly and ill-manners…”Letters to His Son on the Art of Becoming a Man of the World and a Gentleman (1746). He might write an “LOL” over text in the present, but a gentleman doesn’t have to be loud to command attention. He commands attention through his strong character.

6. He pulls out her chair
It was common for the gentleman to pull out her chair and allow her to face the open room. Today, the gentleman pulls out her seat, and sits facing away from the crowd and the TV because he doesn’t want to be distracted from his priority when he forgets to take his Ritalin.

7. He sits after she sits
“…and at the table wait until she is seated, indeed wait until every lady is seated, before taking your own place” The Gentlemen’s Book of Etiquette, and Manual of Politeness (1860). Talk show hosts continue this tradition today by waiting to sit until after their guest has taken their seat. If Oprah does it, so can you. She’s your guest. Allow her to sit first.

8. He helps her put on/take off her coat
Up through the Edwardian period, women wore multiple layers, and beneath them a restricting corset. A gentleman would help his lady put on and take off her coat because of her restricted movement.

Corsets are not common today, but many women still enjoy the help of a gentleman.

9. He doesn’t walk ahead of her
Because ladies wore long dresses and could trip on them, the gentleman walked behind her when climbing a staircase. Tumbling down a flight of stairs isn’t a good way to end a date. Today, the gentleman follows this etiquette rule because she might be wearing long heels or a long dress. This is another sign of him protecting her. However, she may want him to walk up stairs first if she’s wearing a short skirt.

10. He gives up his seat to her if there is only standing room
A gentleman offers his seat to a lady if there are no other seats on the bus/train. I’m talking to you…the dude who wouldn’t give his seat up to the pregnant lady.

11. He carries her bags
A gentleman will help her carry her bags today, and when flying, will assist others in putting their luggage in the overhead compartments.

12. He picks up the check
An English gentleman never split the meal with his date. The English used the term “go dutch” in “derisive application,” as they stereotyped the Dutch as being cheap, or “stingy.” Today, the gentleman always picks up the tab, especially on the first date, and with no expectations.

13. He holds an umbrella over her when it rains
It was common for a younger person to hold an umbrella for an older person. When it rains, the gentleman holds an umbrella over her and doesn’t mind getting a little wet (even if he’s a bigger star as demonstrated by Leonardo).

14. He gives her his jacket
A gentleman pays attention, and if he notices her shivering, he gives her his jacket to wear.

15. He keeps her secrets
A gentleman will always keep a secret, especially the one entrusted to him by the woman of his dreams. Should a break-up happen, the gentleman can still be trusted.

16. He walks her home or to safety
A true gentleman will walk her to her car or home to this day because he’s concerned for her safety.

17. He listens to her
“To be a good listener is as indispensable as to be a good talker…” The Gentlemen’s Book of Etiquette, and Manual of Politeness (1860). A gentleman always listens because he wants to deeply get to know her.

18. He’s on time
A gentleman is his word. Traffic is not an excuse for being late to a date. A good man plans in advance. Don’t keep her waiting.

19. He compliments her
She spent a lot of time getting ready, so a gentleman always compliments. He doesn’t play on her insecurities. Negging is for creeps.

20. He would never dream of hitting ANY woman
“…the greatest man would justly be reckoned a brute if he were not civil to the meanest woman” Martine’s Handbook (1866). The same rules apply today. It doesn’t matter if you are Chris Brown or Ray Rice, a gentleman finds no excuse to hit a woman…no matter what.

21. He asks her father for her hand in marriage
In Victorian days, a gentleman would have to show his coat of arms, or his credentials to her father to show he was a worthy man for marriage. The 21st century gentleman asks her father for her hand because it’s respectful and courteous

Top 10 Mass building Tips (…for SERIOUS Trainees Only!)

1) 30g of protein every 2-3hrs is necessary to build muscle.

This is often a topic of much debate, but the long and short of it is that unless you have a steady supply of amino acids in your bloodstream, your body will break down it’s own tissue to meet the demands of life.

This being said, it sometimes can be okay to consume food less often (every 4-5 hours), so long as you’re getting in a surge of supplementary amino acids between those feedings to stimulate protein synthesis.

2) Overtraining is a myth.

If you just came up with some ignorant comment about steroids vs. non-steroid users, congratulations you’re an idiot and a tire kicker who makes excuses as to why you suck ;).

The truth is, your body will adapt to pretty much anything you subject it to as long as you nourish it well enough and recover. Of course anabolics will speed-up recovery, but it’s all relative. Meaning, even though they may help you to recover faster, they also help you to create more muscle damage from an increase in strength and intensity.

Get moving and push past your limits, then give yourself plenty of time to rest.

OVERREACH and OVER-Recover!

3) Tension builds muscle. Weights DO NOT.

Learn to create tension in the working muscle at all times during your workout. Easier said than done, yes (of you have a hard time with this check out my program MI40 at www.benpakulski.com/mi40 for hundreds of tricks).

4) Train your weak body parts twice a week, or better yet, twice in ONE day.

If you have yet to try out this overreaching model, DO IT! Nothing will make you grow quite as fast. Though be warned, this type of training is really toeing-the-line! Meaning you’re always on the cusp of hurting your joints given that it’s a lot of volume, BUT nothing is more effective for bringing up weak points (there is info here on the blog about how to do it correctly).

5) 40-60 minutes

If you’re in the gym for more than 60 minutes (and hypertrophy is your goal), chances are you’re talking too much… get to work!

Time your rest periods!

Powerlifters often feel they need to talk between sets as they require longer rest periods – they need something to pass the time.

6) Sleep

If you’re not sleeping 8 hours, you’re probably not growing optimally.

Your body recovers by means of the parasympathetic nervous system when you sleep. Sleep more often and, no, I do not recommend disturbing your rest by setting alarms to wake you up to eat.

7) Supplement!

If you’re financially able, BCAAs and Creatine are musts. My post-workout shake of Vitargo and Scitec Nutrition’s 100% Whey is my favorite part of the day. Also, don’t be afraid of taking BCAAs or EAAs too often, I have yet to see any proof of negative effects from doing so. 5 – 10 grams at a time is typical.

5g of creatine a day is all you need and no it does not need to be cycled or loaded.

8) Eat Meat!

Preferably organic. You need protein to grow. Protein synthesis is the only means of aiding in tissue recovery. Despite common belief, carbs DO NOT stimulate growth.

1g/lb per day is minimum for a hard training athlete.

9) Start your day with a belly full of Alkaline water.

I do 2L. I literally drink until I feel so full it hurts. Hydrating first thing in the morning is the best way to ensure optimal energy and optimal muscle function throughout the entire day. Adding some lemon (or lime) to your water is an easy way to alkalize if you don’t have a filter system.

10) Demand more of yourself.

Do you think you train hard? Can I get a resounding, “buuuuuullllllshiiiiiiat”!
98% of the people in this world perceive their work as difficult when everyone else perceives it as mediocre.

Work ethic is perception. Someone out there is working harder than you are!

BONUS TIP:

11) MAN UP!

When it comes to everything, man the @#$# up!

Squat more. Train harder. Don’t complain. Enjoy cardio. Stand proud. Dominate the room. Do that extra rep.

李嘉誠教你如何五年內買車買房——理財篇

假設你的月收入只有2000元，你也可以過得很好。我幫你把錢分成五份。第一份600元，第二份400元，第三份300元，第四份200元，第五份500元。

第一份，用來做生活費。這麼少的生活費，每天只能夠分到十幾元。早餐一份煮米絲，一個雞蛋，一杯豆漿。中餐一份快餐，一個水果。晚餐自己開個小灶，煮點飯，加倆菜，睡前一杯奶。這樣一月的伙食大概是500-600。不過，如果你還年輕，身體暫時還沒有太多問題，這樣的食譜，夠你數年內不會有健康問題。


第二份，用來交朋友，擴大你的人際圈。這就寬裕了。你的電話費可以用掉100元。每個月可以請客兩次，每次150元。請誰呢？記住，請比你有思想的人，比你更有錢的人，和你需要感激的人。
每個月，堅持請客，一年下來，你的朋友圈應該已經為你產生價值了，你的聲望、影響力、附加價值正在提升，形象又好，又大方。


第三份，用來學習。每個月可以有50元—100元用來買書。錢不多，買的書就要認真閱讀，學會學了就用的精神。每一本書，看完後，就把它變成自己的語言講給別人聽，與人分享可以提高你的信譽度，並且，提升親和力。另外的200元存起來，每一個月參加一次培訓。從不間斷。等收入高一些了，或者有額外的積蓄，就參加更高級的培訓。參加好的培訓，既可以免費結交志同道合的朋友，又可以學習平時難以領悟的道理。


第四份，用於旅遊，一年獎勵自己旅游至少一次。生命的成長來自不斷地歷練。參加那種自由行的旅遊，住進青年旅社，地球其實並不大，每年都出門，幾年下來，就可以把紅旗插到地圖上，許多美好的回憶，成為生命的動力，更加有熱情和能量，去投入工作。


第五份，用來投資。先存起來，也可以用來做進貨的本錢，小本生意很安全，去批發點產品來賣，虧了反正也不多，賺呢，既賺了金錢，又賺了自信和膽量，還賺來做事情的閱歷。賺的錢多了，就可以開始購買長期的投資計劃，使自己提早獲得一份長久的保障，保證自己和家人在將來，不論發生什麼事情，都有一份充足的資金來照顧，生活品質不會下降。


好了，這樣熬了一年，第二年如果你還在拿2000元的收入，那就是你的不是了，這麼不長進，活著也夠丟臉的，看看有什麼品牌的豆腐比較硬，買一點來，用頭去撞吧。


月收入在3000元以下的，一定要兼職賺錢，不要窮，還很有個性，挑三揀四的，這個不願意做，那個沒有興趣。收入不高，一定要非常勤奮，盡量去找跟銷售有關的工作，銷售等。這就是很不錯的兼職工作，既可以認識很多有價值的人，又可以鍛煉自己的信息收集能力和營銷技巧。


衣服啊，鞋子啊，這一年你是得盡量少買了。最好全部通過你的兼職賺的錢去買。當作獎勵自己的一種方式。額外多賺錢的時候，記得買個禮物給你的愛人，謝謝他/她支持你的財務計劃。很坦誠地告訴他/她，為何你那麼勤儉，告訴他/她你的夢想和努力的方向。


到處都有需要幫助的生意人，兼職幫他們做點事情，去磨練自己的意志、口才、和工作能力吧，加上你的理財技巧，第二年，你的收入至少要增加到5000元。最低也應該是3000元，否則你收入的成長還趕不上通貨膨脹呢。
無論你的收入是多少，記得分成五份。增加對身體的投資，讓身體始終好用，增加對社交的投資，擴大你的人脈，增加對學習的投資，加強你的自信，增加對旅遊的投資，擴大你的見聞，增加對未來的投資，增加你的收益。


保持這種平衡，逐漸你就會開始有大量的盈餘。這是一個良性循環的人生計劃。身體將越來越好，得到更多的營養和照顧。朋友會越來越多，存儲許多有價值的人脈關係，同時，你也有條件參加那些非常高端的培訓，使自己各方面的羽翼豐滿，思維寬闊，格局廣大，性格和諧。而你，也就能夠逐漸實現自己的各種夢想，購買自己的需要的房子、車子，並且給未來的孩子準備一筆充足的教育基金。


人生是可以設計的，生涯是可以規劃的，幸福是可以準備的。現在就可以開始。在你窮的時候，要少在家裡，多在外面。在你富有的時候，要多在家裡，少在外面。這就是生活的藝術。窮得時候，錢要花給別人，富的時候，錢要花給自己。很多人，都做顛倒了。


窮得時候，不要計較，對別人要好。富的時候，要學會讓別人對自己好。自己對自己更好。窮要把自己貢獻出去，盡量讓別人利用。富，要把自己收藏好，小心別讓別人隨便利用。這些奇妙的生活方式，是很少人能夠明白的。


窮的時候，花錢給別人看。富的時候，花錢給自己享受。窮的時候一定要大方，富的時候，就不要擺闊了。生命已經恢復了簡單，已經回到了寧靜。


年輕不是過錯，貧窮無需害怕。懂得培養自己，懂得什麼是貴重物品，懂得該投資什麼，懂得該在哪裡節約，這是整個過程的關鍵。別亂買衣服，少買一點，但是可以買幾件很有品味的。少在外面吃飯，要吃就請客，要請，就請比自己更有夢想的、更有思想、更努力的人。


一旦生活需要的錢已經夠了，最大的花費，就是用你的收入，完成你的夢想，去放開你的翅膀大膽地做夢，去讓生命經歷不一樣的旅程。

李嘉誠理財名言

1、世界上並非每一件事情，都是金錢可以解決的，但是確實有很多事情需要金錢才能解決。 

解讀：在現代社會財富是很重要的。我們每個人的一生，從呱呱墜地到生命終止都要與錢打交道；因為錢是我們生活的必需，人的生活無法割捨錢的參與。我們每天都在自覺或不自覺地運用和處理著錢財。
　　

2、我17歲就開始做批發的推銷員，就更加體會到掙錢的不容易、生活的艱辛了。人家做8個小時，我就做16個小時。　　

解讀：天上不會掉餡餅，財富來之不易。要想擁有比別人更多的財富，付出的也要比別人更多。
　　

3、精明的商家可以將商業意識滲透到生活中的每一件事，甚至是一舉手一投足。充滿商業細胞的商人，賺錢可以是無處不在、無時不在。
　　
解讀：理財應是融入日常生活中去，成為日常生活中的一部分。而不是想起來的時候就理，忘記的時候就不理了。


4、如果在競爭中，你輸了，那麼你輸在時間；反之，你贏​​了，也贏在時間。

解讀：時間就是財富，理財要儘早，否則財富將隨著年齡的增大而流失。
　　

5、一個人一旦失信於人一次，別人下次再也不願意和他交往或發生貿易往來了。別人寧願去找信用可靠的人，也不願意再找他，因為他的不守信用可能會生出許多麻煩來。　

解讀：在現代社會，信用極為重要，要重視良好信用記錄的建設。沒有信用你的投資理財之路將寸步難行。
　

6、擴張中不忘謹慎，謹慎中不忘擴張……我講求的是在穩健與進取中取得平衡。船要行得快，但面對風浪一定要挨得住。　

解讀：理財要講求風險與收益的平衡，在理財產品組合中要尋求激進與穩健的平衡，做到在風險可控下的收益最大化。
　　

7、眼睛僅盯在自己小口袋的是小商人，眼光放在世界大市場的是大商人。同樣是商人，眼光不同，境界不同，結果也不同。　

解讀：財富源於機會與眼光，作為一個優秀的理財之人，要獨具慧眼去發現經濟生活中的每一個投資機會，以成就財富。
　

8、當生意更上一層樓的時候，絕不可有貪心，更不能貪得無厭。　　

解讀：投資不能過於貪心，（名人名言www.lz13.cn）否則將有“1%的貪婪毀壞了99%的努力”。
　　

9、任何一種行業，如有一窩蜂的趨勢，過度發展，就會造成摧殘。　　

解讀：投資不能“跟風”，不能“人投亦投”，否則將可能是血本無歸。
　　

10、與其到頭來收拾殘局，甚至做成蝕本生意，倒不如當時理智克制一些。　　

解讀：投資要有理智，在投資機遇面前應有足夠的清醒來防範風險。
　　

11、一個人除了賺錢滿足自己的成就感之外，就是為了讓自己生活得更好一點，如果只顧賺錢，並賠上自己的健康，那是很不值得的。

解讀：健康是人生最大的投資，沒有身體萬萬不能，因此任何時候都別忘記健康投資。
　　

12、不義而富且貴，於我如浮動。是我的錢，一塊錢掉在地上我都會去撿。不是我的，一千萬塊錢送到我家門口我都不會要。我賺的錢每一毛都可以公開，就是說，不是不明不白賺來的錢。

解讀：君子愛財，取之有道。理財要遵守國家的相關法規，絕不做違法違規的事。

What is Success?

Success is a very, very lonely road. Very few people are willing to make the sacrifices and take the pain to be successful. It’s an uphill battle and along that road, you’re not going to see too many friends. You’re going to see your shadow most often. You gotta trust in the heart of hearts – inside that what you’re doing, what you believe in is a worthy cause and a winnable fight. See, the thing is for many people – they’ve tried the same path that you’re on and they failed. As you walk this journey you’re going to see carcasses of people that walked this place. People that didn’t quite have it… And that should inspire you because you got further than that person and that person. But you’re not looking to get further than them, you’re looking to finish. But how do you know you’re on the right path? Where do you go to ensure that?

You talk to your neighbor? No, you don’t talk to him. You say “Hey man, I’m looking to lose some weight. I need some help”. He’s going to encourage you at first saying “Yeah you should, yeah you should” basically insulting your ass and your fat. It’s not support – it’s negative shit. So you start to lose some weight, take some of his advice, you start to get in shape a little bit – maybe at his level now. Then he’s going to start asking questions, his tones’ going to shift as you get better. Then he’s going to start talking shit because what happens is – your success is like a spotlight shining down on their missed opportunities.

Success – many will love you for it. The majority will hate you. Because your success makes them feel insufficient in their current endeavor. Reminds them of how they could’ve done it but came up short and didn’t revisit it, where they went at it and failed and didn’t revisit it again. The difference between a winner and a loser – the failure is there every time, but the winner gets back  up and does it again and again until it goes his way. So now you’re on that path all alone… but how do you know you’re on the right path? How do you know what you’re doing is the right way? If you’re wondering if you’re on the right path – look at the small things in life. When you wash your car and you’re washing for a good hour and you put the hose and everything away and come outside to look at the job you did and notice a spot you missed – what do you do? Do you grab the hose and pull it all out and finish the job right or do you say “nah that’s good enough”? The thing about good enough is we don’t know about what good enough is. We don’t know until the nth hour, the final hour, when everything is on the line. That’s when we find out if that’s enough. And if we come up short – man doesn’t that suck?

I promise you guys if you never say “good enough”, tomorrow you will always have enough. It’s the character of who you are – it’s not the title that makes you, it’s not the success that makes you. It’s the character that defines the success and defines the fame and it starts right there. Championships aren’t won in the theater of the arena. They are won in the thousands of hours of training and the 5 AM runs in the rain when everyone else is sleeping. That’s where it’s won. The heart of a champion is a light switch that’s always on – it doesn’t go on and off when someone’s watching – it’s constant. It’s how you look at something if your name is attached to it – that you do it right – every single time. If you’re dusting your counter tops – do you dust around the picture frame? Or do you pick the mother fucker up and dust the entire thing? Do the job right or don’t do it at all. That’s the same person who has his hand raised on the podium. That’s the same mother fucker. How you hold yourself in the small things in life build the character winning blocks of the things that we’re remembered for. They are one and one of the same. How you hold yourself and how you see yourself – what do you do when no one’s watching? If you do it then, I guarantee you – you’ll be doing it when everyone is watching.

- Greg Plitt

When you find a fear, that fear will either create you or destroy you. I love fear. The reason why? Because behind every fear is the person you want to be. Fear is self imposed – meaning it doesn’t exist. You create it, and you can destroy it too.

If you’re not facing your fears you are not living. You’re not running the day – the day is running you. You’ll always be the servant – not the master.

孩子犯错，不用批评，只需讲八句话，其余都是废话！

     孩子长大的过程中，免不了会遇到各种问题。作为家长这时不要急着插手，可以先问孩子八个问题，听听他们有什么想法。而往往问不到几个问题，事情就已经很清楚并得到解决了。家长不妨可以一试。

第一个问题是：“发生什么事情了？”

        这个问题看起来不起眼，但是非常重要。许多成人碰到突发状况时，会习惯性的太快下判断：“一定是你先打他，他才会打你。”“一定是你做错事，老师才会处罚你。”如果我们不让孩子从他的角度说说事情的经过，很可能冤枉孩子。况且，让孩子有机会说话，即使真的是他的错，他也会因为有机会为自己辩解而比较甘心认错。

第二个问题是：“你的感觉如何？”
        事情经过是客观事实，当事人心里受到的冲击纯然是主观的感受，无所谓是非对错。很多时候，我们只是需要把自己的感受说出来而已。一旦说出来，哭一哭，骂一骂，心情就会好多了。脑科学研究表明，当一个人情绪强烈的时候，外在刺激不容易被脑部吸收。也就是说，当一个人还有情绪的时候，别人说什么他都会听不进去。总要等到他心情平静下来，才可能冷静思考。所以如果我们希望孩子能够听得进去我们的意见，我们就需要先同理他的感情，让他的情绪有个出口。
        孩子够冷静之后，可以问他 

第三个问题：“你想要怎样？”
        这时不管孩子说出什么惊人之语，先不要急着教训他，而是冷静的接着问他  

第四个问题：“那你觉得有些什么办法？”

        在这个阶段，不妨跟孩子一起做脑力激荡，想各种点子，合理的、不合理的、荒唐的、可笑的、恶心的、幼稚的……脑力激荡的重点就是允许任何看似无稽的想法。这时候不论听到什么，都暂时不要做批评或判断。
         等到再也想不出任何点子的时候，就可以问他  

 

第五个问题：“这些方法的后果会怎样？”
        让孩子自己一一检视，每个方法的后果会是什么？你可能会很讶异的发现，大部分的孩子都明白事情的后果。如果他的认知有差距，这时候就可以跟他好好讨论，让他明白现实真相。这是一个很好的亲子沟通机会，但是要避免说教，只要陈述事实就可以了。
然后问他：

第六个问题：“你决定怎么做？”
        孩子一定会选择对自己最有利的状况，如果他了解后果，通常会做出最合理、最明智的选择。即使他的抉择不是成人期望的结果，也要尊重孩子的决定。成人一定要言而有信，不能先问他怎么决定，然后又告诉他不可以这么决定。这样子，他以后再也不敢信任你了。何况，就算他选择错误，他从这个错误中也可以学习到更珍贵难忘的教训。
接着问

 

第七个问题：“你希望我做什么？”

        并且表示支持。
        等到事情过去之后，问他最后

第八个问题：“结果怎样？有没有如你所料？”或是“下次碰见相似的情形，你会怎么选择？”

     让他有机会检视自己的判断。
        如此练习几次，孩子就会有自己解决问题的能力，不需要我们操心了。

经典八问：

第一个问题是：“发生什么事情了？”
第二个问题是：“你的感觉如何？”
第三个问题：“你想要怎样？”
第四个问题：“那你觉得有些什么办法？”
第五个问题：“这些方法的后果会怎样？”
第六个问题：“你决定怎么做？”
第七个问题：“你希望我做什么？”
第八个问题：“结果怎样？有没有如你所料？”
或是“下次碰见相似的情形，你会怎么选择

父母若要孩子为自己的行为负责，就不能剥夺了孩子履行责任的机会。让孩子处理自己的事情，并为自己的决定承担后果，从而达到培养孩子责任心的目的。只有这样，孩子才能养成独立思考，解决问题的能力。